Introduction to the Introduction!

In the introduction I wrote,"I was most happiest in my adult life from about 1988 till about 1993.". So what made me feel and think that I was very happy during that period? Here are some major things:

• I started making much more money in no amount of time as compared to my monthly salary of about 3500 Rs with Wipro (in 1987) and I was supposed to be one of the highest paid person on Campus when I was made that offer by Wipro. 3550 rs. was a lot of money for a fresh gradulate at that time in India.
• For a person who went to Pune with about 2000 Rs on a motor cycle with only few pair of clothes and no place to sleep on the first night, I bought my own small apartment to live in just 3 short years when it took most people a life time to do that. BTW, On the first day's cold winter night, a good friend Vivek Hotkar allowed me to snick into his shared rental 10 feet * 10 feet room (when the owner was not watching :)). There was barely enough space on the floor for me between the two beds of the two room mates. I slept on the bare cement floor with single layer of some old news papers. I think Vivek was also kind enough to give me something to use to cover myself to protect against cold.
• From being no one with no network at all, I was connected with some of the most powerful people in the region at that time in all walks of life (politicians, bureaucrats, educators, doctors, engineers, businessmen etc. etc.)
• I got married to my wife Gita. One of the best things to have happened to me (please don't envy me, we have fair share of our challenges even after 22 years of marriage just like you :)). She won't hesitate to sacrifice her life in a jiffy to protect me or the kids and I feel the same for her and the kids. She is as beautiful in thoughts as she is (was :) ?)  in looks. Many of my friends especially lady members used to envy her when we were sharing past photographs. Fortunately we have matured and risen above petty worldly things like beauty, material wealth etc.
• My first daughter Parita was born during this period. I took a year off from my thriving business to enjoy my time 7*24 with her
• I was well respected by my friends and community member. They sought my advice and help and I was able to solve their problems almost every time even medical ones with prayers. To be honest with  you, being as close to being a rain maker as possible, at some point in time, I thought, am I God or Messiah, no kidding. This was height of my narcissism. 
• I was very philanthropic and sincerely shared my wealth and time with neediest people and never put my name on even single act. The thought never occurred to me that I should take the credit.  
• I some how developed tremendous physical strength and stamina (I have a theory which is not  scientific and will explain this in a future post). I could carry about 80 kg of weight (no not lift all the way above my head as the weight lifters do :)). The reason I know I could do this is because once I went to Sangamner to commission some equipment all by myself (this were early days of starting of my business and I was the CEO and the engineer and ...). The Rixa (a kind of 3 wheeled cab)  drivers at the bus stand started to demand unnecessarily larger fare looking at my precarious situation with so much luggage. I always "fought" back when someone tried to take advantage of my (or some one else's) situation.  I decided to carry 4 heavy electric motors (some DC and some AC) and other control equipment up to the main road so that I can catch a Rixa with fair fare. When I look back I laugh at how silly it was of me to do so for a 100 Rs ride when I was carrying equipment worth 100,000 Rs! I could work for 80 hours straight with full efficiency without sleeping ! I know this because once I started work at about 10 am on Friday morning. My colleagues left work on Friday evening and when they came to work at 9 am on Monday morning they were surprised because I am usually in late. They smiled and guessed that I must have been working the Friday and the whole weekend!! I went home with everyone on Monday at about 9 pm, ate and went to sleep. I don`t remember going out to eat anything over the weekend but not sure about it. It is not that I had to work or there was a deadline, the work was just too interesting to leave!!

In the introduction I wrote,"The only things I could think of that drove my success during those years were, Honesty, Man of my words, .....Control over lust etc". So does it mean I was no longer Honest after that period? Did I stray from my marriage due to lust? Absolutely no by the world standards but I had set my bar way above the world standard and my regret is falling below that high standard even though I was probably way above the world standard. Let me explain with few examples.

Honesty and man of my words: An example. A business associate  provided referral for an order and in return I had offered him certain percentage of the order value as commission. Latter on I had to cover another middle man who interjected in the process. I paid the business associate his commission after subtracting the commission I had to pay to the middle man. I should not have reduced the business associate's commission as it was not his  fault that I had to cover another middle man.

Control Over Lust: I have never strayed from my marriage. However for a brief period of time (few months) myself and a very powerful, attractive and intelligent married lady (a business associate) started to have attraction toward each other and we started to flirt about it in our brief face to face chats, 100% of which happened in public places (in restaurants surrounded by tens of people on surrounding tables)  (no cell phones in India at that time). Fortunately before it was too late my conscience warned me (it was doing this from day one but it got louder and louder over time) and I confided the situation to my wife Gita. She was mad and furious in the beginning (not sure if she wanted to kill me?) but eventually forgive me (this fact alone makes me respect her so much and I will be happy to live like her slave if she wants me to, fortunately she doesn't). In my value system, any lady other than my wife was/is to be treated as either a mother or sister or daughter (bhabhi or sister-in-law is equivalent to Mother in Hindu culture). This incidence was too much for me to handle to the extent that I thought of leaving home and living in Himalayan caves, alone for rest of my life (suicide is considered as one of the greatest sin and is not an option). BTW - You will repeatedly see that whenever I am extremely disappointed with anything about myself or the world, the thought of running away and hiding in a cave (my cocoon) comes to my mind. Until this incidence I had successfully avoided advances from many many many girls and ladies. A girl from my school days who I thought of as sister was attracted to me and I came to know about this almost after 10 years form the day I knew her due to her advances years after I had finished school and married. To me once I called someone a sister, she was my sister.  I am not sure what was so attractive about me in those days but I found that few girls and women were relatively easily attracted towards me (or may be it is just a common thing between man and women). I believe it was "aura" of my celibacy which for a married person is defined as complete loyalty to your spouse and complete avoidance of anyone else even in thoughts. You might see why above incidence was too much for me to handle and I call it loss of control over lust. 

So what is the situation now?

Since that incidence I have gained quite a bit of control over lust and me and my wife are living together as just good clean friends since last few years. I also avoid meeting any member of the opposite sex alone or communicate with them privately even for business. In fact I think women are excellent business leaders. When looking for a co-founder for my start-up venture I come across many talented and enthusiastic women who will be an excellent match for the role but just because of that incidence many many years go, I forgo the opportunity to network with them. For the potential law suits in future by greedy lawyers and liers; This doesn't mean I won't have a lady business partner or a senior colleague or secretary ever but if that has to happen, I will come-up with a plan to make sure neither she is attracted to me and nor I am to her. Fortunately I have lost my luster and chances of this happening are almost zero.

As for my Honesty, in the most recent recommendation from my managers and senior executive from my latest client, they respectively wrote, "I would recommend Paresh to any company that values hard-work, honesty, creativity and dedication." and "Paresh is extremely committed and ethical in all his business dealings."

Coming next, Why I am currently so unhappy in spite of having all the worldly comforts? In fact I seem to be climbing towards pinnacle of great success again and will be there is few years if all goes as planned.